Anecdotes related to Software Testing

The jester testers

jokes about software testers and software testing

Question: How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: None. Software testers just noticed that the room was dark. Testers don't fix the problems, they just find them.

Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: What's the problem? The bulb at my desk works fine!

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: NONE! That's a hardware problem....

Question: How many internet marketers does it takes to change a lightbulb?

Answer: They'll reveal the answer to you in a $47 ebook..

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the good tester, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
There was an software tester who had an exceptional gift for finding all bugs. After serving his company for many years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million-dollar application. They had tried everything and everyone else to find the bug but the failure happened again and again. In desperation, they called on the retired software tester who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The software tester reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the application. At the end of the day, he wrote exact steps how to reproduce the problem and stated, "This is where your problem is." The bug was fixed . The company received a bill for $50,000 from the software tester for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The software tester responded briefly: One bug report $1. Knowing what to put in, $49,999.

A software developer/tester convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were a bunch of developer majors and a bunch of tester majors. Each of the developer majors had his/her train ticket. The group of testers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The developer majors started laughing and snickering. Then, one of the software testers said, "here comes the conductor" and then all of the testers went into the bathroom. The developer majors were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and said "tickets please" and got tickets from all the developer majors. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said "ticket please" and the testers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and then the testers came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. The developer majors felt really stupid. So, on the way back from the convention, the group of developer majors had one ticket for the group. They started snickering at the testers, for the whole group had no tickets amongst them. Then, the tester lookout said "Conductor coming!" All the testers went to one bathroom. All the developer majors went to another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the testers left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "ticket please."
Lesson learned: Any test that passed in unit testing can fail in system testing.
When you have an "I hate my job" day try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested. " Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company. "
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. A tester comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the tester has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a tester, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"
A mechanical, electrical and a software engineer from Microsoft were driving through the desert when the car broke down. The mechanical engineer said "It seems to be a problem with the fuel injection system, why don't we pop the hood and I'll take a look at it." To which the electrical engineer replied, "No I think it's just a loose ground wire, I'll get out and take a look." Then, the Microsoft engineer jumps in. "No, no, no. If we just close up all the windows, get out, wait a few minutes, get back in, and then reopen the windows everything will work fine."

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree Asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station...
Two software testers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The testers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of Stanford,
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
Thanks to Michael Russell's blog
Top 10 Signs That You're Dating A Tester
10. Your love letters get returned to you marked up with 
red ink, highlighting your grammar and spelling mistakes.
9. When you complain about him spending too much time with 
you, he replies that he's in the middle of a soak test.
8. He keeps asking for a "spec" so he'll know how his 
"harness" should "interface" with you.
7. He'll always do something wrong twice so he can provide 
accurate repro steps.
6. When you tell him that you won't change something, 
he'll offer to allow you two other flaws in exchange for 
changing this one.
5. When you ask him how you look in an outfit, he'll 
actually tell you.
4. When you give him the "It's not you, it's me" breakup 
line, he'll agree with you and give specifics.
3. He won't help change a burned out lightbulb because his 
job is simply to report that it's burned out.
2. He'll keep bringing up old problems that you've since 
worked out just to make sure that they're still gone.

...and the number one way to tell you're dating a 

1. In the bedroom, he keeps "probing" the incorrect 

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to Produce a baby.

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby

10 Signs You Might Be Working At IBM

by David Letterman

10 You lecture the neighbourhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.

9 You get all excited when it's Saturday so you can wear shorts to work.

8 You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.

7 You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.

6 You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.

5 You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.

4 You know the people at Marriott hotels better than your next-door neighbours.

3 You ask your friends to "think outside the box" when making Friday night plans.

2 You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.


And, the number one sign you work for IBM...

1 You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.

See picture gallery: How developers fix defects (bugs) - QA point
See a classic picture Ambitious functional requirements (1.6MB)


Management Lessons
Lesson 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate him.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull." They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 3

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet witched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Lesson 4

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Lesson 5:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 6:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.

Lesson 7:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 8:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 9:

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... But she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100. if you let me have sex with you... The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!. Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.' She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says. 'Ask him for $200., and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriends call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?' Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!'

Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.


If automobiles had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics."
  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
  4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive ----- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
  7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

The CEO was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert’s unfinished Symphony.  Since he was unable to go, he passed the invitation to the company’s Quality Assurance Manager. The next morning, the CEO asked him how he enjoyed it, and he was handed a report, which read as follows:

For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.  All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut.  If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of an amplifier.  Much effort was involved in playing the demi-semiquavers. This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver.  If this were done, it would be possible to use trainees instead of craftsmen.

No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings.  If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.

In light of the above, one can conclude that if Schubert had had basic quality training including six sigma, lean composition and Prince 2, he would have completed a much more efficient symphony.

from Paul Sloane

Read More Jokes about Software Testing and Testers - Humor software testing


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